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has got the Munchies.

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may 22

Hey gang.

It's me, Daniel, with another dose of bloggy goodness.

My website in an overall sense is like an ancient, Roman colosseum - awe-inspiring, full of history, and devoid of any practical application whatsoever.

I've spent the last two years of my life learning code and... I still can't figure out a hit-counter? Or comments?

Darn. I want to know how many people are reading my blog. And I also want to get in on those sweet adverisements where Google reads your thoughts and then sells you weight loss pills. I get a cheque, some slime ball somewhere gets rich.

Hey, I wonder if mentioning Google in the above paragraph will boost my SEO?

Sweet. That would rule.

In case your wondering, those banners on the right are a special kind of artwork I make. They're called "Viral Nonvertisements," and currently they are all here on display in Blogland. Blogland, USA? How about Blogland conneticut?

What I really want... is a nice... big... desk. Seriously, is that so much to ask? A big desk with room for my scanner, my camera docking hardware, mouse, keyboard, and area for cutting and pasting, space for books, room for my printer, power bar... uh... and one of those add-ons like on a Lazy Boy chair where the fridge is built right in.

Hey, Lazy Boy..? Do you think I can have some of that hot internet money now? I totally pitched your sweet chair for alchoholics. A lot of people who read this blog are probably alcoholics. For you, here's this video:

 

I bet someone's making money off the advertisements that are bound to pop up on the bottom of that thing. Where's my sweet cut of that Internet money?

I learned today that, according to Forbes magazine, the top 400 richest people in the United States have a total combined wealth equal to that of the lower HALF of the U.S. population.

Whoa. Stop everything.

What the fuck? When did this happen? There is obviously something wrong when people are allowed to accumulate that much money.

I mean, don't get me wrong. Greed is... well, greed is good. Without greed and the concept of property, we wouldn't have the lightbulb, the automobile or the united states of America. I'm just saying I want a cut of that.

And a solid gold telephone.

I just went away for a moment ot find you another funny video. But all I got are scantily clad women and a video that has Marilyn Monroe allegedly smoking weed. The internet totally rules.

STERN

 

 

apr 12

Girls, girls girls... what can I say about girls

Well, evidently a lot, because it's all I talk about. Recently, someone very smart tolld me I should avoid dating girls who I work with, and by extension those who I have class with.

Considering what a heartbreaker I am, this is very sound advice.

But this is rather depressing since girls add a lot of meaning to my life. A lot. I don't think necessarily more than the next male down the road, but are they willing to admit it?

I think, yes, it's true - all men have a one-track mind. There's no "but," there's no, "because," just, seriously... we think about sex a lot.

During any given interaction I have with a girl on a day-to-day basis, I'm probably thinking, well, basically, "Wouldn't I enjoy nailing this girl?" the answer is of course yet, but I am able to test this theorem pretty rarely,

- cough, cough - (I think the main reason why I lack success with women is I'm too handsome. Yeah, too handsome. Very initimidating.)

Napoleon Hill says that what is probably the number one cause of failure is not knowing what you want when you undertake an endeavor. It is a well known fact that deciding cleary what you want, and that you will get it, is 50% (or some say 85%) of the battle already there.

I think the problem a lot of guys have is that they don't know what they want. I mean, what DO they want?

I think if more guys just admitted they were mostly out to get some, the would have a lot more success with women. Back in the day, a guy would club another guy over the head with his bludgeon, and then drag the defeated caveman's wife back to his cave for good times and Barry White. It is unlikely that cavemen had a word for "rude," but they definately must have had a word for "property."

When you start talking to a girl, and you don't clearly know what you want, well, you're leaving yourself open to a couple of things,

1) Not reacting quickly to opportunities that will arise during the conversation,

2) You leave the interaction to be led by the girl, (great, if you like talking about vampires and clothing,)

3) You leave her guessing about what your intent is.

I would say, my only desire is success with women, but by saying so I am in fact dooming myself to failure.Listen - fear is just a physiological reaction, a state of mind - thus the only real blocks to success that exist are constructs within your own mind.

So let's analyze this, why is wishing for "success" with women such a bad thing? Jeez - where do I start?

First and foremost, wanting success with women comes from a very needy frame. Frame is a word used by pick-up artists to describe one's state of mind. To wish for success is to imply you're not having any, and this is a self-fulfilling prophecy, because so-called "success" with women is something that happens exclusively in the arena of the mind.

Guys who sleep with hot girls think they are hot shit. Period. Their interactions with women are guided by some other overarching principal other than insecurity (my favorite,) some of these include,

1) an attitude of enjoyment of all things,

2) the desire to select, through interaction, the most worthy mate for an extended term,

3) the desire to get laid.

Really, it takes a very confident and experienced man to ever get past #3. This is what basically every guy wants, but some deny this instinct and instead neurotically justify their interactions with girls in some other way. This is how guys can sometimes come off as "creepy."

I had a girl over the other day and she told me a story, (or rather tried telling me a story while I owned my buddy Rob at Marvel vs. Capcom: 3) I think she said,

"That guy, you know the one, our mutual friend? I don't see him anymore. Yeah, you wanna know why? He just messaged me on MSN the other day for sex. Said I should come over and we should get it on. I mean, I haven't even seen him in a year, and..."

Now, friends, ladies, gentlemen, the one person who probably reads this blog, I admit to you, in all humbleness and honesty that THERE WAS A TIME WHEN I WOULD HAVE BELIEVE THIS. Yes there was. There was a time when I would believe this friend of ours was unwise for making so uncalculated an advance on our fair red-headed startlet.

Listen - this girl did not feel like coming over to his house just for sex. But maybe the next one will, or the next one, or the one after that, it doesn't matter because this guy is already success-conscious with women in his own mind.

You are success-conscious with women when you can make a very forward advance on a woman and not be upset when it is refused. HELLO, WOMEN GET HIT ON ALL THE DAMN TIME. They can't be down to party every single time, and if they were, well, you probably wouldn't think getting down with them was that hot an idea.

Of course, a girl is going to turn down a male proposition for sex at least nine out of ten times. And nine out of ten girls is going to refuse outright. But that tenth girl is going to gladly come back to your place to watch Star Wars: Episode II, and far from making this girl "slutty" I think it in fact shows the endearing quality of honesty, because this girl can at least admit herself that A GUY WHO HAS BALLS IS SIMPLY THE MOST ATTRACTIVE THING.

STERN

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

apr 10 2011

Do you know how I know I'm a good person?

I mean, how I really, really know that deep down, I'm a swell guy?

Well in addition to my many qualities (handsome, seven feet tall, pwnage at guitar hero,) I don't discriminate. That's right. I like all kinds of girls.

Bigger girls, skinny girls, maybe girls with a different skin color than me. This is a publicly accessible blog so I won't go into too much detail, but, believe me I could.

There's just something about that exotic mystique that I can't resist. The way they look at you with those retreating eyes and they seem to say -

Phone just rang. It was the gross, dumb girl from an earlier post. With all these girls calling me, how am I supposed to finish my rant about how I like hot girls?

Really, what purpose does this meaningless ruffling of feathers serve? For how long will Stern ramble about his various rakish idiosyncracies?

Well, if you think not for long, you ain't know Stern.

In other news Anime North is coming up. I'm going to be staying at the Doubletree Hotel for three nights, so if you're coming to Anime north, please post it on my forum so we can cosplay together.

AWESOMEO POWER

I was outside a karaoke bar last night... I swear to God, I said... no... I can't even repeat it. Let's just say it was ignorant. Very ignorant.

But on a brighter note they have this stand at Yonge and Finch where you can buy teriyaki chicken breasts on a skewer.

Man, chicken rules.

STERN

 

 

 

 

apr 6 2011

 

Hey what's up gang, it's me, Stern, with your occasional Stern update.

Uh let's see... world is despairing over a lack of things with which to spend money on. there's an extreme shortage of smiles and a deficit of laughter.

A laughter deficit...

Anyways, you know what would be cool? Ok get this,

A clown and an adorable puppy become best friends. Actually, make that a nascent in-training clown who isn't quite a clown yet. Why? Because clowns are totally creepy.

Yes they definately are. Think about it, when you think of clowns, what do you think of? Odds are it's chainsaws, murder and John Wayne Gacy. But maybe that's all just from the movies.

Our perception of reality is skewed by the media. But it's wrong to criticize the media for what is essentially our own overarching psyche which is just highly vengefun right now and could everyone just CHILL.

Thank you. You know what, this blog needs pictures... just a sec...

 

pointless doodle

Ok rhat's totally sweet. I complete forgot what I was talking about though. Ninjas? Karete guys? We may never know. But one thing is for sure. Chicken is a source of protein. That's right, I went there.

Vegeterians suck.

I actually eat lots of salad and I don't have anything against vegetarians at all.

Anyways, I have work tomorrow. Time to get to work on tonight's zany flash animation featuring the character I just drew.

I am hungry and tired and on a roll, PEOPLE!

- STERN

 

9:26, apr 5 2011

Well this is the first time I''ve ever updated my blog. It's pretty basic but... hey check it out. I have a blog and now I'm writing it.

Uh oh. It;s a ,,,, gross dumb girl who is distracting me from my blog. It's ok, she's on my bed now but she's still kind of distracint me. She's complaining that I called her gross and dumb. It's pretty funny I think.

She totally wants me. It's awesome.

Damn, I'm sweet.

This is great.

Ok, so what was I talking about...

This is the first time I've ever updated my blog.

She's still standing in my room, distracting me and touching my hair. No one touches my hair. Last person who touched my hair was an old lady. And she disappeared. Actually it was my little old grandmother and she is adorable. She's living in Israel, I hope she's ok.

I love her.

Anyways, blogging is really fun.

Anyways, she is making me walk her ot the bus stop right now. Ok, man, wow girls suck.

-INTERMISSION-

 

Ok I'm back now. Instead of walking her to the bus stop, we both split a bowl of this sweet kush I'm going to now dub, I'm going to call it "Indiana Jones" Kush, and why?

Well no reason at all. I'm just wiley, I'm a wiley guy.

Check it out: to add some content to this page I'm going to talk about an important political issue. This is it. I'm going to do it. I'm controversial.

Birth control - I think it is great.

(Right. Right now you're thinking, REAL BOLD MOVE THERE, Stern. Choosing the easiest issue ever.)

Cause I mean, really? Really Benedict II? I just don't see eye to eye on the birth control issue.

The world. Is. Overpopulated.

There. ARE TOO MANY PEOPLE.

DAMN IT. JUST DO THE MATH.

ARRRRGHGHGHGHGHGHG
AUGHGUHGUGHUGHGUGH

I'm sorry. It just doesn'tt make any sense...

I think birth control should be condoned by the papacy. I'm catholic, and I believe in a lot of the teachings of Jesus. I should say, I'm half catholic. The other half is Jewish, so I'm allowed to make a very rare kind of neopolitan joke involving the pope, a rabbi, and a plane full of supermodels.

Also I hate myself constantly.

I think Jesus was on the ball when he said, Love Thy Neighbour. Yeah, real on the ball. You got. To Love. Your Neighbour. And I'm not talking some sort of smile over the fence, I'm not saying you should send them some variety of wishy washy caaaaarrrrdd on Christmas while secretly dissing them behind their back and ogling their sixteen year old daughter which is hard to do because she is starting to notice.

Ok, this is officially the best blog post ever.

Signing off,

STERN

 

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